Christmas, Holidays in General and Death

I read with interest my Sister-in-Laws Blog entry this morning. And it created an avalanche of thoughts through my mind. Where did this family (mine) go so wrong in celebration? Why do all holidays have to be so commercial? What in God's name happened in our sons bathroom!!

But I digress...

Ten day ago a co-worker killed himself. It has been tragic in so many ways. He was a deeply troubled individual (as we all can be), but in the scope of things I would have never believed he would kill himself. But anger, sadness and drink can create a monster that no one can predict. The pall that his death created in the immediate group that worked together was just awful. For several days we just staggered through our routines, like punch-drunk fighters, trying to be peppy and cheerful to customers but in reality, really just wanting to sit in a corner and cry or maybe punch something.

They brought in a counselor and I was the one person of over 300 employees that stopped in to see him. Since the death of my father and brother in the last few years, I seem to be less emotional than I was. There was a time when a Tele-florist ad would bring me to tears! Of course I am traveling through the well-worn path of emotions that death brings; denial, anger, bargaining,depression, acceptance, and finding that I seem to be lingering briefly at each. I only knew him for three years, but as a mother, people tend to open up to me. I just know that I will miss him...he had a wry sense of humor, a totally different way of looking at events that I will try and remember as a travel through my own life.

As a family we have had so many tragedies at the holidays. Probably no more than the average family, but you know how those things are subjective. And over the years our children have managed to make me dread the holidays. I suspect that is an excuse, but one does try to avoid things that really piss them off.

I am back at finishing this well after the New Year. We managed to have a really enjoyable dinner and day and no one was the worse for no tree and no presents. Of course, I am pretty sure that daughter-dearest is busy telling her therapist what kind of space-case I am and there is some truth to that. But in reality, there are so many people who are really hurting...they are loosing their homes, their jobs and so much more.

So, we shall see what next year brings. I am hoping for happiness and prosperity but I will settle for just happiness. Maybe some pure glee too. And some downright hysterically funny days. How about you?